illution.

sendu.
sedih dan rindu.

when I got the chance to go to the places he used to hang out in, he wasn't there.
I went to the Gelora Bung Karno. I saw his friends--same faculty's students, i dunno if they are really his friends or not--I saw guy who looked like him but he actually wasn't there.
I went to Pasar Festival. I saw the bowling place he used to come with his friends. I stared inside, and he wasn't there.

I laughed outside. I cried inside.
I bathed. Relaxing my body. Tried to forget him already.
My body felt light. it floated. but everytime I moved my hand, it always cover my face.
like the crying gesture.

I want to cry.
But I can't.

Because of loving him, now I always think negatively about him, always wondering everytime, always have a burden in this heart.

If loving him hurts me so much, I don't want it now.
I want to forget this feeling for a moments..

I hate when I think about him, but he doesn't think about me at all.

I want to scream. outloud.
but why this voice can't come out?