The Real Winner

today is the official announcement of our graduation.
I passed the national exam, and being the 2nd highest in my class and parallel. But, am I happy?
No, I am not. I was relieved, that I passed the national exam (the nightmare). But I wasn't that happy.
Okay, I admit I wasn't play fair and square when I did the exams, I cheated on my math and physics.
Without being given the answers, I dunno if I'm gonna passed the national exams.

That's explain my high score of physics: 90 point blablabla..

I am sad, I can't smile, can't laugh freely, because not all of the students graduates. Ricky--the pious Ricky--failed on his physics.
That hurted us, all of us.
We all know, he was the one who got hurted the most. But he also the one who stand still, as tough as a rock, with smiles in his face, although we all know, his eyes and heart were crying.
No, he didn't cry. He smiled, trying to be big-hearted.
All the female teachers cried, and trying to cheered him up. He just nodded and smile.
He already know the results before he checked it.

But I am proud of him. He stand for what he's believed in. He hold his principle until this minute, he didn't cheat and he won't.
He tried his best, playing fair and square, not blaming anyone, and ready with all the consequents he has to take.

I guess that is the real hero.
I was ashamed of myself, I guess I couldn't act like him yet.
Ricky, whatever it takes, we will always be friends and be in your side. God just trying to test your faith. :)

a letter from a boy

picture he gave me

"Hmm.. Talitha ini damar.

Hehe..mungkin aneh aja kalo dapat e-mail dari gw.

Tapi..Hmm.

Gw inget lw temen cewek sd gw yang pertama deket..hehe..gak tahu kalo lwnya sih.

Temen yang kayaknya bawa gw ke dunia perkomikan,hehe..

Kalo gak salah gw sering minjem komik sama lw kan? Waktu itu Detective Conan deh kalo gak salah. Tapi gara2 komik itu gw jadi ketagihan.hehe..Akhirnya gw beli sendiri komik dan jadi suka juga sama komik terus buat inventaris gw di masa depan.hehe..

Lw itu kayaknya dulu agak banyak diem ya? Gw juga lupa gak seinget dulu sih..

Sebenernya sih detailnya gak inget tapi lw tetep gw inget.

Kejadian yang masih gw inget itu waktu gw berantem lw terus gw pindah tempat duduk deh sama bima. Tapi akhirnya gw balik lagi sama lw itu ada ceritanya. Jadi pas gw berantem sama lw dan pindah sama bima, gw berantem lagi sama bima. Akhirnya gw ngomong gini ke bima, “ Lebih enak duduk sama talitha deh daripada sama lw.”

Hehe..kayaknya jahat banget ya gw. Tapi kurang lebih sih gitu. Terus pas kelas 4 lw naik kan ke A disitu itu gw gak gak pernah menghubungi lw lagi.hehe..tapi gw masih inget ada satu kejadian dimana pas lagi jajan di kantin waktu itu lw kayaknya jajan di kantin deh. Gedung sd waktu ada di smp, gw ngeliat lw tapi malah diem aja ya.hehe..lw juga ngeliat gw gak ya? Nah, habis naik kelas 5 baru gw tahu kayaknya lw dah gak ada di mutiara. Kelas 5 gw naik ke A tapi gak ketemu sama lw..hehe..tapi akhirnya gw minta pindah ke B lagi gara – gara menurut gw anak A itu terlalu ketat sama jarang main bola.hehe…Kelas 6 gw sedikit lupa sih sama lw. Hehehe…habis gak ada kabar lagi. Tapi gw juga kenal sama anak cewek namanya lita.Hehehe…,Naik smp nama lw udah mulai redup.hehe..bukan karena gw lho ya tapi gara – gara gw bingung juga. Pas ada friendster gw coba cari nama lw lagi tapi udah lupa nama panjang lw. Gw Cuma inget nama lw talitha. Gw buka buku SD gw lagi masih ada nomor telepon rumah lw yang di titian dulu, mau gw telpon bingung takutnya salah orang.hehe..lagian gw pikir lw juga belum tentu inget gw. Tapi gw belum pernah cerita tentang lw sama orang lain. Pas SMP juga gw ketemu sama anak – anak mantan kelas A dulu gw coba Tanya yang namanya talitha banyak yang gak inget hehe…Waktu itu langsung mikir nih anak kayaknya pendiem banget ya. Nah pas SMP itu juga gw dapet sahabat lho..namanya navaldy dan stefanus. Navaldy ini temen lw pas SD lho dia anak A juga. Masuk SMA kok kayaknya ingatan tentang lw itu pasang surut ya? Gw pikir gak bakal ketemu lagi sama lw atau gak ya beberapa tahun yang akan datang. Makanya pas guru gw suruh bikin karangan tentang pengalaman teman gw bikin tokoh utamanya lw.Walaupun kayaknya banyak fiksinya sih tapi tetep gw coba gabung pake fakta, hasilnya juga gak bagus sih tapi gak tahu kenapa kayaknya bagus aja nih. Nah tokoh lw itu yang bikin temen gw ada yang tahu.hehe.(ini tugas praktek b.indonesia kelas 3). Sebelum itu pas kelas 2 Gw coba bikin Facebook tapi waktu Facebook masih janggal dan gw bikin Cuma buat iseng aja kayak gimana, eh malah gak ngerti. Nah, naik kelas 3 itu temen sekelas gw mulai pada bikin facebook deh. Akhirnya gw coba mw aktifin lagi deh facebook gw soalnya dah mulai musim pikir gw. Nah, pas itulah saat gw buka e-mail ada pemberitahuan dari facebook bahwa ada gw friend request dari Talitha K.wah gw langsung mikir apa iy ini temen gw ya waktu sd. Langsung gw Tanya temen gw kalo FB angusnya kapan?katanya dia 3 bulan kalo gak dibuka angus.Waduh..padahal gw bikin dah lama tuh FB. Tapi ya gw coba aja deh, tapi karena waktu itu bikin ngasal jadi gw lupa deh passwordnya.hehehe..Tapi pada akhirnya bisa juga diganti dan ketemu juga sama lw sekarang hehe…

Ini kayak karangan b.indonesia ya? Tapi gw Cuma mw ngomong itu aja tha..

Kayaknya emang susah buat lupain orang yang berkesan ya.hehe..gak tahu kapn lw bakal baca surat ini..tapi makasih ya..Lw itu cewek yang berkesan buat gw.oke..tapi gw emang kaku jadi gak bisa gamblang ngomong tentang perasaan sih sama lw."

that was a confession from damar, my old friend. We've been texting each other for a while. and just now I know, he has a crush on me, since primary school!! Okay, I knew it already, I knew he had a crush on me since I was in 3rd year of primary schoo. But hear from him? Just now only.

I appreciate his feeling. But still, I can't forget him. I know I have no chance. I just can't.
When I went with Damar, all I think was him. I imagined he was there, right in front of my eyes. When I went home alone, I saw the roads that I've been walked on with him. Memories along the road.
When I went to MM with Damar, I avoided the place I've been visited with him.

I ain't excited to meet Damar, but super excited to meet him.
When I saw Damar and sensed his scent, all I remembered is his scent.


I am an egoists. I know it. I know it I have been cruel. to myself, to damar, and to him.
I just can't look to another man instead of him.

what should I do?

quiz mania XD

long time no blogging, I would like to share my quiz result.. haha

You Believe that Love is Private

When you think of love, you think of building your own little world with someone In love, you see things how they could be. You are wrapped up in your own dreams. If you are in love, you want the whole world to know it. You don't hold back with letting people know. You are somewhat patient in love. You can wait for the right person, but once you have found the right one, you're very impatient.

The Rose Test

that's very like me. hehe