It hurts.
When I already give in, finally accepts that I’m really in
love with this guy.
That no matter how many fights we’ve been into, we always
make up and be good again.
That I finally trust he’s the one that accept the way I am,
loving me both good and bad, teach me to be a better person, to stand tall
against all odds, keep me down when I fly too high and pull me up when I am
down.
It hurts.
That finally, I believe in marriage, that I believe no
matter what kind of my ideal husband criteria, he’s most probably the one for
me. The one that will share life both in sorrow and joy, the one that will be
the father of my kids, the one that will be my leader and partner.
It really hurts.
That I have decided to choose him over the other men that
could possibly be with me. That God has answered my pray of loneliness by the
presence of him by my side. That I still think it’s kind of miracle that we are
together against all the differences.
And now we are facing this thing.
Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so insecure nowadays.
I’m scared of losing him. I want to be by his side as long
as I can be. I’m afraid he will fall for another woman. I suddenly get jealous
with all his female friends that are together with him. I feel insecure
whenever he asks me to remind him not to find another girl. I am sad that I don’t
accepted the way I am by his family. I am sad that when my mother seems like
she trusts him and his family to take a good care of me but most likely it didn’t
happen like what we expect to be.
I hate to say this but I think I know that it will be very
difficult to win his mother’s heart. I will be the evil woman that will take
her son away, and with this inability to explain things clearly and be friendly
with new people, I will have a lot of disadvantages in my sides.
I don’t know about the future, but I’m not ready to lose
him. Not now.
Not when he already took me so deeply in this thing called
love, and I have rearranged my future just for him, and I have already learned
to love him and behave.
I am still going to try to work things out. But if it doesn’t
work, you know what’s left to me.
Shattered pieces of my broken heart.
