Berpisah Sejenak

Dan sebenarnya aku telah letih akan semua ini.
Letih aku merasa rindu sepihak.
Letih aku merasa bahagia sepihak.
Letih karena selalu mengira, bahwasanya apa yang sebenarnya ada dalam benakmu. Apa yang kamu pikirkan tentangku?

Bukannya aku tidak sabar menunggu, sungguh tiada laki-laki lain yang kuinginkan selain dirimu. Sungguh betapa ingin bibir ini mengucap aku mencintaimu. Namun selalu kutahan, hanya karena aku tidak ingin membebanimu.

Aku tahu, begitu banyak hal lain yang lebih penting dari hubungan ini. Aku pun berpikir sama. Karena itu ketika kamu berkata tunggulah, maka aku menunggu. Bahkan ketika kamu tidak berkata apapun, hati ini terus menunggu. Bukan aku yang mau, namun apa daya hati ini menolak yang lain.
Dan tanpa terasa, di masa depanku hanya ada kamu. Dan aku pun berlari ke arahmu, semula kencang namun kini tertatih, berusaha menggapai sosokmu yang entah mengapa, kian menjauh.

Adakah aku pernah terbersit dalam benakmu?

Sungguh, berapa kalipun aku mencoba berpaling, aku tak bisa.
Bukan aku letih menunggu, hanya aku takut, aku takut menganggumu.
Aku tahu tak ada tempat bagiku di benakmu kini. Aku mengerti, karena itu aku tak pernah meminta.
Bukankah aku selalu tersenyum saat bertemu denganmu? Dan menekan segala egoku.
Terima kasih atas secercah bahagia yang kurasa setiap kali ku bersamamu,. Terima kasih atas segala pengetahuan yang kau berikan padaku. Terima kasih karena menjadi penyemangatku.
Aku akan terus menunggumu, namun tak akan aku tunjukkan hingga saatnya nanti.

Biar Allah yang tahu, bahwa dalam setiap sujudku kudoakan dirimu. Lelakiku tersayang.
Hanya satu harapanku, semoga kau tak akan pernah kehilangan cahayamu. Biarlah kau tetap menjadi burung pemangsa yang terbang tinggi di angkasa. Tak apa, aku memang hanya ikan di lautan sejak semula. Aku hanya bisa menatap dari dalam laut, mengamati jarak yang luas di antara kita. Menunggu saat kau akan terbang mendekat, meski tahu diriku terancam.
Terima kasih atas segala kenangan, dan aku berharap suatu saat nanti aku akan dapat mengucap “aku mencintaimu” secara langsung kepadamu.

Hingga aku dapat menjadi “Wanita Terbaik” bagimu, sampai jumpa “Ridho Orangtua”. =)

Best Friend, Lovers, or Enemy?

hey blog,
it's been a long time ne, since the last time I wrote. A lot things has happened, and sometimes it's just beyond my control.
I and Fauzi is no longer close friend, we remained silent, but now we're trying to build our friendship back.

As I said, a lot of things happened. One of my bestfriend likes him, and now she can't live without him. She gets jealous, gets sad even more easily than me, and what's bad for her, now she's hating the girls that are close with him. It is not good for her, for him, for me, for everyone else.
And now it's become very complicated.

In a side, I was very used to be with him most of the time, even people knew us as couple, even though we're not. But when she came, and she needed him more than me, I knew I have to let go.
She is my best friend, and he is too. They seem to have interest on each other. I have to let go.
I have to support them, and remain as good friend for both of them.

But to be honest, it's lonely.
It was... kinda hard to be used to be alone when usually I have someone to accompany me. Someone that gave most of his spare time only to me. But then he gives it to her now.

Not that I complained, cos we can't rule somebody's heart rite?
I also fall for my senior, that's can't be complained.

But, I don't know...
I hate my current self. Sometimes I'm hating on her, cos not only she hurt my feeling without she even knew, she wants his attention so much yet she rubs it in front of him. Sometimes myself can't take it. After all, we did have 'history'. I used to like him, and we were good before this happened.

Sometimes I'm hating him for being insensitive and so coward. For being unable to decide n good to every girls.
I hate myself for not being honest n ikhlas, for hating my own best friends.

And now she asked for attention, for love, for... everything. And my other friend said let's pay more attention to her?

Do my world even have to revolve around her? This is my life isn't it?
I'm starting to lose my identity slowly. I just can't take it no more sometimes. I want to run away to the place where nobody knows me and just start new life. But I know, it's only running away from trouble., not solving it.

I DO love both of them, but I am disappointed with my current self. I'm not mature enough for accepting the fact. I don't know how many times I shed tears (like now) because of this problem, they didn't know about it.
Because I never tell them.

I hate to be seen as a weak girl.

Oh blog, when will I become a strong and mature girl?
I can only be honest only to you. T___T
Cos I don't think there will be anybody who will listen to me and be on my side, all of my friends are on her side and yeah, thus I shouldn't tell about it.


Spring 2012, I, Talitha Khairunisa Irsan, will be going to Kagoshima, Japan, for a student exchange for a year. And there I will start new life.

amen Ya Allah.