October 30th 2009, mixed up feelings

indonesia:

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!

kemarin gue jalan bareng diaz ke senayan city. sumpah yah, itu macetnya naudzubillah min dzalik banget. Akhirnya sebelum nyampe di ratu plaza gue memilih untuk turun dan jalan kaki aja. Maaf ya Diaz, lu nunggu lama banget. hahaha
Dan padahal gue udah pengen banget nonton film 9 tapi dasar si kunyuk satu itu, dia malah bilang nggak usah nonton aja, mendingan makan. >__<
ya udah deh akhirnya kita makan doang di sana.

dan terjadilah momen-momen yang gue suka pas kita jalan pulang. entah cuma gue yang geer, atau emang benar, dia jadi lebih baik sama gue. apalagi waktu di busway, rambut gue dikucek. udah kaya anak kecil aja. huahaha
nggak tau ya kenapa, gue jadi suka kalo diperlakukan kaya anak kecil sama teman2 cowok gue tapi di saat yang sama mereka juga tahu kalau gue itu dewasa juga. HAHAHA *pgn ketawa gw*
dan finally gue bisa menikmati wangi yang sangat gue rindukan itu.

just wanna say, diaz... gue gak puas jalan sama lo. gue kangen berat sama lo. gue pengen ngobrol banyak n main2 sama lo sebenarnya. maklumlah, seperti yang lo bilang, psikologis gue masih 8 tahun. ahahaha

kalo tentang fauzi,
di satu sisi gue berpikir jahat, gue berharap dia nggak bakal awet sama ceweknya yang 3 tahun lebih tua itu *gosh*, tapi di satu sisi gue juga kagum sama cintanya untuk pacarnya itu. hiks~
ya udah ya boo, kita kaya gini aja dulu. hahaha
hidup bonobo dan benebe! :P

oh ya, bisa dibilang gue sempat cekcok sedikit sama cowok gw, gara-gara gue blg gue mau jalan sama diaz dan nginep di tempat boim.
terserah deh gue mau dibilang cewek ga bener keq, dia mau kecewa sama gue keq, yang penting gue bisa jaga diri dan kenyataannya gue emang nggak ngapa-ngapain. pengen putus rasanya, tapi sayang banget ni masih 2 bulan.
tapi hati gue udah kbagi tiga gini. ah, eottoke?? =X

english:

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!

last nite I went with diaz to Senayan City. Oh man, the traffic jam really got my nerves. So before I reached Ratu Plaza I decided to go out of d bus and walked to Senayan City. Sorry Di, u have waited so long. hahaha
And eventhough I really wanted to watch '9', but because of that troubled kid that said "let's not watch. I'm hungry, let's eat." we didn't watch the movie. We went eat to Pepperlunch. *and it's damn expensive (for me). it's like feeding 12 people's portion to 1 man*


and there happened moments I liked when we walked home. I dunno whether I was being overconfidence or it's really true, he became nicer to me. And when we're on busway, before we separated, he messed with my hair. Oh God, I dunno why but I loved being treated like a kid with my male friends while in d same time they know I'm mature too. HAHAHA
and finally I could enjoy the scent that I missed so.
I love that scent. Diaz's perfume. saranghamnida.


just wanna say diaz, I haven't satisfied yet having our time together with you. I really really miss you. I want to talk a lot with you, talk about life, talk about love, talk about the past and the future. Yeah, Like you said, my phsycologist is still like 8 years old girl. haha

about fauzi...
one side of my side thinks evil, there is a part of me that wishes he will breakup with his girlfriend, but on the other side I feel amazed with his love for his 3 years older girlfriend. hiks~
boo, i guess it's better to stay like this for a moment, i think? hahaha *but i'm jealous with risa* >_<
viva bonobo and benebe!! XDD


oh yeaahh... we could say that I have a lil fight with my own boyfriend. it because I said to him I wanna go with Diaz and stay at Boim's place.
it's up to him whether to think I'm a bad girl or feel disappointed with me, what's important is I can take care of myself and I really did nothing. I want to breakup but geez.. we're just got together for 2months only.
but my heart has already parted for 3 people. ah, eottoke??

during 18 years of my life

it's been 18 years since my born.
18 years ago, on October 26th 1991, a woman strove hard, gambled on her life to give birth to her first daughter. And then a little girl made her first crying as soon as she was given born. Her parents were very happy on that day (or I supposed to think). They gave her name 'Talitha' which is mean 'girl' and 'Khairunisa' which is mean 'the best woman'. They prayed that their daughter would be the best girl in the world, be a shalihah woman, and could make them proud.

18 years has passed.
I still couldn't be 'Talitha Khairunisa'. Couldn't be the best girl as my parents expected yet.
Mianhae, I'm sorry, gomennasai. Thousands of apologize words couldn't speak my sincere apologize.
Kamsahamnida, thank you, arigato, merci. Thousands of words also couldn't speak my grateful for my parents for giving birth and raising me until this second.
Eventhough I am not their best girl, eventhough I haven't reach anything yet, eventhough I couldn't make them proud and happy, they still give me lots of their love.

Thanks for all of your love, dear mother and father.
I promise to be a better person day by day. I will try to be 'Talitha Khairunisa' so I can make you proud. I am sorry for all my behaviors that disappointed you. I am still a kid afterall, I still need your guidance.
I love you, dear mother and father, I will always love you. :)

and for all of my best friend, friend, siblings and boyfriend, thanks for all of your pray and greetings.
I love you all. :)

broken heart, mind & soul

it hurts, when at the morning I dreamt him confessed to me, but in the real life, he actually already had a girlfriend. three years older than him.
it hurts when he is in relationship, but still act nice to other girls like me. Feels like he's giving hope but actually he didn't.
I felt bad for his girlfriend. I felt bad for myself. I dunno lah, I felt sad, I want to cry, but I have to smile in front of him.
I dunno how to act again, I dunno how to do. Should I kept this feeling or just forget him and learn to love my own boyfriend? TT_____TT