along the night

along the night, my mind wanders off.
Maybe it because I just finished watching 'The Lovely Bones', so I knew how it feels to lose somebody, to love somebody you can't have back, to learn to let go, to keep loving although the one we loved has gone.
Maybe it because I'm the only one person who left awaken at this time, and I feel lonely. I miss the feeling to be loved, to have a really close friend.
Maybe it because May 7th is my mum's birthday and suddenly I miss her so.
Maybe it because today is the announcement of SIMAK-UI, and since Diaz's little sister enrolled I feel nervous too. Maybe I shared the same connection like I had between me and her brother two years ago.
Maybe I miss my senior, Ridho, Fauzi, my ex-boyfriend, Salman, and the one I can't have, you-know-who?
Or maybe I am simply being distressed by this resume task and other thing I've got to do?

I don't know.
But I know I miss you, my blog. I miss the moments I shared my feelings to you.
And sometimes I'll re-read my writings and cried or smiled while recalled those memories.

Time sure goes by. We can't stop it.
But why can't I be happy by all of these gift God has given to me?
I need somebody to be loved and who loved me sincerely.
I'm tired with my 'going-nowhere' relationship with Fauzi. Why don't we make it real? Why don't we try to build our relationship?
Why don't my crush respond me back?

Why do I never satisfied?
Why do I such a loser?
I hate myself. I HAVE TO CHANGE.

NOW.

And thus, I shall end this monologue.

가슴이아파...

I am a pathetic girl.

Because after I broke up with my boyfriend (yes, I already broke up), even when there's other men for me, all I think about is him.

I am a pathetic girl.
Because we're already on our own way, and he doesn't even care about me n my life anymore, and still I want him to be in my future.

I am a pathetic girl.
Because he already had a girl friend, and now I'm single.

I am pathetic girl.
Because when my chest feels like it going to burst and I feel like crying, he doesn't know anything about me.
Because when I think about him, he doesn't think of me back.
Because when I want him badly, he'll say that he doesn't want me back if he knows about my feeling.
Because I am nothing but a friend for him.


And now I have nobody to share my burden.
I'm so sorry my ex-boyfriend, because I can't appreciate your affection.
Because I don't think I can fit you, that's why I made you tired and asked for break up.
Mianhada.



.I want to cry. Do I have to bear this love forever?
디아스, 사랑해...