go on boy

broken heart, I guess.

He has a crush with his friend and working on it..


Today I went with him to Mall Taman Anggrek. I thought we'll gonna ice skated till drop down but unfortunately, his friend can't skate. So we both skating just for a while.
He first asked for documentation, which made me happier, coz yahh.. I never had picture together with him. Since we're in primary school. yeah.
But he just then canceled it, because Melly (his friend) won't skate anymore. It means he want to take a picture by three of us.

Melly is a good girl, really kind actually. Although I kinda hate her in d first time, since she's ignoring me at first and just talk and cuddle with him.
She's also look like a children, the way she acts really childish, but also mature in the same time. I guess that's called 'cute': something I could never do.

And my mood got worse when we're gonna having lunch. I hate them both for asking me where I want to go but their choices really limited.
I hate him for sharing his attention. I hate him for listening to her request and ignoring mine. I hate him for treating me the same as he treat her. I hate him for being too kind to every girl. I hate him for cut my story that I want to told him. I hate him to love her crush and consider her as his future wife. I hate him for telling me the truth.
I hate to admit that I want him.

I'm not blaming Melly, she is really nice, really really a nice girl. Unlike me.
She even a bit worried when I got silenced and I guess I made her a bit scared. And him too. Sorry, guys, it's not your faults. It's mine who never be mature.

I have to move on though..
Exam coming up and I still have my deal with God. And my bet with Suren also. I guess I'm gonna win. haha

anyway, I have to endure. I tried as hard as I can to prevent my self from wanting his hug, wanting his lips, wanting his scent, his voice. Prevent from trying to revealed this forbidden feeling. Prevent myself from hug him tight and never let him go again. Supressed my desire to be touched to him.

I HATE MYSELF. SO STUPID.

aah,, I want to cry but this tears just won't go down.
anw, I guess this is what the dream means.
The dream I had before--which I wrote in this blog a few months ago.
In that dream, there was a girl which come near him and embrace with him.
whatever. I don't care .

* note: his voice is good! seriously. I heard him when he read 'adzan'.. It was good~, although there's some missing note. hahaha
This is the first time I ever heard him do the 'adzan' call..
okay.. should end this. =)



Ne-Yo Go On Girl (*I changed it into 'Go On Boy' :P)

[V1:]
I can get it back, but
I don't want it back, I
Realized that,
He don't know how to act
Never been a dumb dude
No I'm not dense
I Just had a slight lack
Of common sense
I was the good girl
He was the bad guy
I'm thinking one boy
He thinking me, ****
***** and ****
Yep he had plenty
But love for me, he didn't have any

I was inviting, him into my heart
But he was out riding in
some other girl's car
He was my night time,
thought I was his star
Guess I was wrong,
but see I'm strong
Wont take long for me to move on

[Hook:]
Please don't worry bout me I'm fine
(Please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time
(Only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say
That I'll be ok
Go on boy
(Go on boy)
Go on boy
(Go on boy)
Go on boy

[V2:]
I can get it back, but
I don't want it back, I
Realized that,
He don't know how to act
Tried to settle down and
look what I get
Thought it was my time,
but I guess not yet
He at the bar getting
drinks from many girl
I'm in the house,
thinking he's with his
boyfriends
just not knowing,
truly not knowing
I look back now like,
man, I was open

I was inviting, him into my heart
But he was out riding in
some other girl's car
he was my night time,
thought I was his star
Guess I was wrong,
but see I'm strong
Wont take long for me to move on

[Hook:]
Please don't worry bout me I'm fine
(Please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time
(Only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say
That I'll be ok
Go on boy
(Go on boy)
Go on boy
(Go on boy)
Go on boy

[Bridge]
The mistake I made is clear
(we never shoulda been together)
That's the reason youre not here
(I know that I can do much better)
Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby I'm feeling no stress
I'm too fly to be depressed

Go on boy
Go on boy
Go on boy
Go on boy

[Hook:]
Please don't worry bout me I'm fine
(Please don't worry bout me I'm fine)
Only gonna play the fool one time
(Only gonna play the fool one time)
Trust me when I say
That I'll be ok
Go on boy
(Go on boy)
Go on boy
(Go on boy)
Go on boy



** P.S. : I smell his scent for the last time I guess. This is farewell.