miss you!

Di!
Why I miss u so much now?
I want to chat with u, want to talk about anything, as long as you don't stop talking/typing, and pay with full attention to my story and vice versa.

It's been a long time since our last 'cold' chat, it's in last Sunday i guessed.

Di!
there is so much I want to ask you.
I want to ask about the 'cancer thing' but I forgot what I have to ask. I want to tell you the truth. All of it.
But I just can't.


Because you even don't bother to know.
Because it wouldn't affect any part of your life.
Your life with or without me are practically the same: I never be the main part of it.
My life without you is like puzzle missing its pieces. But my life with you is like eating ice cream.
It feels nice, it soothe you, but when the ice cream finished to be eaten, it'll make you thirsty.
The more I eat the more thirsty I get, and also I'll get sore throat.

That's why I can't. I can't love you truly.
But heart can never lies. If I can't love you as a man, then I'll love you as a best friend.

One thing:
When I think you are my best friend, do you think me as your best friend too? Coz recently you tell me almost nothing about your life. Nothing until I've asked you.
You tell Melly almost everything and me, who have been friend with you since about 7 years ago, had been told nothing.

It hurts, boy!

It sadden me to know I am special for you just in my dream, sad to know that I can only meet you in my dream, sad to know that I can't tell you what I've been thinking.
Anyway, I miss you.

Anything you have been doing now, keep on it.
Coz sad but happy to know also, you are a man of his word.
Make me proud, Di!


another question:
what can I do to make you proud of me?